I never wanted to be one of those mom's whose lost their temper with their kids at the store. I also took note of those mom's who just checked out when there kids threw a fit at the store and thought, "take care of your kid already." Note to self, I don't want to be one of those mom's either. I suppose I wanted to be the mom with the kids who sat quietly in the cart and behaved perfectly, all the time.
The truth is after six children I have had all those experiences and more at the store. I accomplished those "perfect" moments with a lot of hard work and consistency. I made little rules to follow with my kids and it did pay off. I gave myself the rules to take the focus off my children's behavior. I verbally prepared my children for the store before entering. I told them what our goal was and what behavior I expected from them. I also reminded them of the rules: Mom cannot buy you anything, Mom has to have you holding onto the cart or sitting in your seat at all times. Mom cannot let you switch seats or hold onto any items in the store.
As much as the preparation and rules helped to make the majority of our shopping trips a success, nothing seemed to prepare me for the times when it did not work. I had days that I could barely get through being awake, let alone going through the store with my kids. There were times when I barely had enough money to get what I needed at the store and not only had to complete my shopping list but had to calculate the cost along the way. Mind you I NEEDED the items I was going for or I probably would have never gone. I probably did need to have more patience with my kids on those days but I didn't.
There were other times when my husband was deployed and I had been trapped at home with my kids just too long. I needed to get out and with no one to entrust my kids to I would go to the store. My kids would be tired and irritable because they were reflecting just how I was feeling! I would not even acknowledge their behavior. I probably did need to "take care of my kids" but it was what I felt I needed to do just to get through that particular day.
Those times were unbearable but not just because I was uncomfortable with my children's behavior but because other people made me even more uncomfortable. I probably should not have cared how other people felt about my children's behavior, but I did. I probably could have excused how they were behaving to these people, but they did not give me an opportunity. Maybe I should have taken more parenting classes, maybe I "made my bed" having four children within five years of one another but what is it that made these people so impatient with my children and myself? What made me so impatient when I was on the other end of this scenario? Who was I to judge this person? I may believe that I could do better in a situation but I know quiet certainly that I am not perfect.
I think in order to be patient with other people in situations like this; we have to be willing to step down off our pedestal, high horse or what ever else you want to call it. I learned this lesson best when it was presented to me as dying to ones self. When we make our thoughts and opinions more important than that of someone else, we loose the opportunity to minister to that person. In place of ministering to them, we hurt them in ways that we may not even imagine. What I should have done when I saw moms struggling with their little ones, was give them a sincere loving smile or a sympathetic nod. I should have immediately lifted them up in prayer and considered them later in my quiet time with the Lord as well.
A mom in a grocery store is just an example of a time when we can have patience and lift another person's needs above our own. We can all come up with various examples. When we are in those situations I think that we can ask ourselves one practical question to help us respond, "what if this person comes to visit our church this week and I am the one who greets them?" It is easy to say that we are to be Christ like in our behavior, I think it is another to be held accountable for it. It is still something that I struggle with but the more I practice patience with those around me, the more natural it becomes.
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